Okay. Like the true goons we are, we've rejected the chance for a meaningful relationship with women or any notions of gainful employment, to instead spend our time on the couch playing videogames.

Let's go!





Booting up the Super Famicom, we're greeted with the title ‘Cockroach Panic’ in giant Mario like cartoon letters.

Apparently this game was developed by ‘Team Project 1994’ - which looks very much like the ‘Media Rings Corporation (Manufacturers of Zero4Champ) logo.





There's three options, Start, Information and Exit.

Since we don't have the first clue how to play this, let's choose Information





Ah. Well. Boy. That sure is a lot of text. What does it say?


Cockroach Panic Outbreak. A game where you fight cockroaches.
When you put the fire extinguisher in, smoke comes out and attracts cockroaches.
Damage dealt. This completes one turn.
When HP reaches 0, the cockroach dies.
The effect of the new facility is one block around it.
These are the two surrounding blocks. The blocks connected to the lack are are ineffective. The effect increases when smoke overlaps. The block disappear in 3 to 5 turns. If you kill all the cockroaches, the block will be cleared.
If the cockroaches are still there after they're gone it will be a mistake.
There are 100 stages in total and you can complete them in one turn. It depends on the number of ingredients.


Uh… okay. You guys got all that, right?

There's more…





That's right, I see.
A button: I'll put the small jar here.
B button: Use this to cancel.
X button: Place a large bowl of noodles.
Y button: Use this when you don't want to place any more noodles.
R button: Use it when you don't want to wake up. When selecting noodles, you can skip 10 examples at a time.
L button: When selecting noodles, you can skip 10 noodles at a time.
+ button: Move the cursor. You can also choose your noodles.


Ok, I think I get it. We have to… skip the noodles… right?





This appears to be our enemy list. We've got several different varieties of cockroaches to contend with. Each one also apparently has a corresponding drivers fee…

Let’s Start the game!

I could try to explain how this game works, but really it just makes sense to watch someone play it. After a couple of tries, I ‘think’ I've got it figured out.