Alright! It's decided. We're going to Sallad Dallas!

Only another quick trip down the road from Niagara….







: Phew, we finally arrived

.
: it's a very American town, but it's a bit scary…



Gotta be honest, this is not what I expected when I thought of Dallas. I kind of expected a bustling metropolis…

…This seems to be a little strip mall in the middle of absolutely nowhere.

But hey, that looks like a Delorean. I hope we get to race it.

Let's see if we can Talk to a local.





: Umm this is where they do zero-yon. Don’t you know?


: Do you do zero-yon?


: Awesome! I love Zero-Yon.



Ooh we have a kindred spirit in this girl Hiro. Most of these people we meet here don't even know what Zero Yon is.


: We don't do zero-yon in this town.



Drat.


: I went to see the Zero-Yon all over America.


: I've been to LA maybe 10 times.


: Wow, is that so?


: I've raced in LA before. I'm not bragging, but I was number one in LA

.

:smug:


: What are you talking about?


: Los Angeles has a national champion. There's no way you're number one.



Uh, yes-way lady. We beat the guy with the hands down his pants in the dry race, the transexual in the wet race and the muscly dude who has killed his dad in the ice race.

We're so number one in LA that we have a motorhome to prove it.


: Huh? What course is the US Champion on?






: You don't know anything. Champ is normal wet ice cream.



As opposed to dry ice cream?

Actually, speaking of, astronaut ice cream is pretty cool. I bought some of that when I was in the USA.


: I hold all the course records.



Wait, this lady races? Or does she mean literally records, aka she tracks all the results?

I don't think she's a racer because she doesn't have a unique thumbnail… and you know the developers of this game wouldn't miss an opportunity to draw unique thumbnails of a female character.

This is even an oddity - there's been plenty that have only had a line or two, but have a full illustration.


: But all over America I heard there are champions with medals for each course…



Yeah! Medals! Like ours. See it there, sitting proudly on our UI Dashboard?

It has a W. For winning.


: Well, that's anyone. It would be boring if I could challenge the US champion.


: That's why only those with enough power to collect three medals can take part.



: I see, that's how it is…


: So I need to collect three medals.So you can challenge for the US national champion?


: That's right.


: And it was only after defeating the US champion that does that mean we can become number one in America?


: That's what it comes down to.



Interesting. Perhaps Dallas is the final place we will need to go to once we collect all three medals? There must be another US Champion that appears.


: But it's no mean feat. You can't beat the US champion.



Sure we can. We have the power of road dryers and chloroform now!


: Well, I know it's impossible, but do your best.


: If only I knew I'll teach you all sorts of things.


: If you have any questions, come and ask.


: Yes, thank you very much.



Well. It doesn’t seem like we can race here yet, if at all. Maybe there's a Part time job.


: It doesn't seem to be done here.



Damn. Ok then, how about a Shop





: There doesn't seem to be any shops.


: Even if there were, no customers would come.



Well, damn. This location was short lived. I guess we need to find another….





: Sorry, I should have opened a store in a place like this!


: It would have collapsed anyway. Come to my store!



Gah! The game did that thing to us again where it says there's no store, before telling us there's a store.

Wait a minute… was that…





Arnold Schwarzenegger!?

What on earth is he doing in the middle of bumfuck nowhere, Dallas Texas?

This is 1993… Perhaps Arnie is hiding out after the abysmal box office performance and critical reception of Last Action Hero.

Fuck the haters, that movie kicks ass!


: No, it's not that easy. That's why...


: But, that's strange. A store with a cool guy like you. No customers are coming.



Yeah you’d think people would be coming around for miles to check out Schwarzenegger’s store. What is he selling?


: Huh? Cool?


: Yes, it's cool. I thought it was some movie star.


: Is that so?



Arnie here is playing pretty coy. I don't think Hiro realizes who he's talking to.

I'm hoping you're all imagining his dialog in the most stereotypical Ah-nuld voice imaginable like I am.


: You're a pretty good guy.


: Until recently. Because I was running a shop I know a lot about tools. I'll teach you how to use it


: Which tool do you want to ask about?








Oh! It’s our inventory!

It seems like Arnie is here to explain to us exactly what these items do!

...That is actually an extremely helpful feature! Because I don't have a clue what half this stuff does….

What do you think Goons? If you had the chance to ask Arnold Schwarzenegger to explain what one of our items in this obscure 90s Japanese drag racing game did, which would you choose?