We’ve arrived at the circuit, which seems altogether too green for what we assumed (and the game told us) would be the salt flats of Utah.





: Brother, do you need something?






And we have a new character. I'm pretty sure this is supposed to be a Mormon. Check out the robes! Let's call him Joseph Smith.


: I came here to do zero-yon.



: Is Zero-Yon a Japanese fighter plane?


Oh hoho. Joseph here is a laugh a minute. He's making a reference to the Mitsubishi Zero.





Not quite there Joe, but you've got another Mitsubishi coming your way.


: That's Zero Sen. What I'm talking about is Zero-Yon.


: Ah, the frog


: Well then, Kero yon.



Ah, another pun from the Mormon yukster.

I actually know this one! Kerro kerro is Japanese for the sound of a frogs croak.

I know this because of Kerropi, a Japanese character who had a bizarrely popular presence in my primary school.





: Are you going to do the Zero Yon or not? Be clear!



Doesn't this guy have like 10 wives to get to?


: I understand. I'm impatient. But here are the medals for the ice course. No, is that okay?



He has medals for the ice course? I didn't think of the salt flats as ‘ice’ but I guess it does get very cold there.


: Well, that's fine. Let's have a go anyway.


: First, fight with my friends. I'm the boss here after all. So, are you ready?


: Yes. We are.



The game asks us to pick one of our cars. Since we have a nice variety to pick from now, I'm going to choose Percy the Proton Persona XLI Mitsubishi Lancer GSR!

What follows is very typical. We need to race three of his ‘friends’ before we challenge the king Mormon. race. The first is a blue Mustang, The second, a BMW, third a Ferrari.









At least the race environment looks like a desert.

Interestingly, it seems every single location we've been to has had a different race background. These changes are pretty subtle, but they're there! This one has tumbleweeds, for instance.

If we lose, he can't help but warn us about the fact he's preparing for more jokes.





: That's unfortunate. Well, don't be discouraged, come again I'm thinking of a joke and waiting for it.


: You don't have to do jokes…



Thankfully we didn’t give him the opportunity, because when we took them on again, did what we always do and won!





The only 'jokes' here are your friends performance, Joseph.


: Wow, that’s impressive! Number one in Japan!!


:: This isn't Japan! You're next, so hurry up and get ready!


: Hmm, that's mean by Maruko



Ok Goons. It's time to take on the Mormon King and his blue Camaro!





Ok, yes, in actual reality, he has a yellow Porsche, but I'm adding some creative license because I feel these opponents haven't been American enough for my liking, and I feel that being a leader of a religious cult is about as American as apple pie, so he should have a car to match.

...It's on!