Alright, with our hard earned $260 in hand, and multiple stab wounds in chest, it’s time to head back to the circuit!





: What are you here for today?



Well, you've all mentioned Obstacle Zero4 a few times, so let's check out what its all about!


: I’m going to try Obstacle Zero-Yon

: I hope you win.


: Thankyou.






Ok, this is interesting…

We seem to be in the stands… not the race track.

What are we doing in the stands?

There's two options here:

I guess we can try to talk to this mustachioed gentlemen in front of us.


: Umm excuse me…





Shut up, don't talk to me from the side!


Yikes!


If you don't understand something, ask a member of staff!


Uhhh….


If you press select, they'll come to you.


This is… weird. We’ve never before been asked to push the select button. The only time it’s been used was to activate Kino’s boost jet in Zero Champ I…

Let’s push it and see what happens..





Oh hello!


: Is there anything I help you with?



We have 2 options:

We definitely need an explanation…


: Let me explain.


: This obstacle race involves running over obstacles.


: You can bet money on six cars.



Aw what? We don't get to drive?


: There are two ways to bet: win and place.You can think of it as the same as horse racing.



Horse racing?


: Next, we will explain how to read the screen.


: The cars that will be competing are shown in the top half of the screen.


: …Car number, car name, odds of winning.



Oh boy.. reading about how to read an interface we haven't seen yet… this bodes well…


: WIN means winning the first place car, and QUINELLA means this is a quinella betting system that predicts which cars will come in first and second.



Uh..


: The odds will vary depending on the amount you bet on per race.


: What you can bet on each share is $10 and there is a limit of 99 shares.



Oh..


: To see the data of participating cars, press the select button to see more detailed data.


: You can see



Err..


: If you want to cancel your bet after placing it, move the cursor to the spot.


: Please press the II button.



Wait...


: Press the RUN button to start the race.


: If the car you bet on wins after the race, you will receive a bonus according to the odds.


: You will receive a refund.



I…


: Well, if you need anything else, please call me.



Okay? Uhh.. could you run that whole…. thing about the quinceañera.. past me again?

Err… let’s push the RUN button, I guess...





Oh geez, what the fuck is all this?

I'm just going to hit a couple of buttons and see what happens. I think I bet $10 on car number one...





Oh, it's a race? We're betting on a race?





...And they're off! The bottom pink car appears to be in the lead..





Oh some of these cars are crashing out!





...And it looks like the bottom pink car wins. Our car came in third and the second didn't make it...





And here’s the results... I have no idea what any of this means…

Hang on, is this just horse racing with car sprites?

I'm sure like me you had visions of us getting to drive these cars in a high paced obstacle course around the track, narrowly missing obstructions and perhaps making a jump or too.

But! I'll bet you didn't think that this would be a lame gambling simulator, created to quench the weird Japanese thirst for virtual horse racing, did you?

…No, me neither.

I'll never forget the first time I went to Japan, back in 2011. I had heard of these amazing Japanese Arcade complexes with multiple floors of classic and new age video games. I went into one, only to find three floors of shitty crane games and one floor full of… this…





Just a ton of salary men, sitting around what looks like it should be a command and control centre in an aircraft carrier, making random bets into whatever the hell this thing was.

They'd then sit back, and politely watch as a cadre of Sega Dreamcast horses race. One or two of them might let out a quiet fist pump as their polygonal horse won, and the rest might betray a slight sigh, before doing it all again.

Not only did they have the big command consoles, they also had some of these ones too - which had little physical models of horses that ran around, synced up to the virtual one…






This, it seems is a huge thing over there.

Why deal with all the unpleasantries of the outdoors, and animal smells and odd Jockeys, when you can get your horse gambling fix at your local arcade, at any time of day or night instead?

Let’s go for another round. I think it's a different set of cars than last time, because I'm not noticing any pink ones.

To make this more understandable, let's try and translate the names of the horses cars.





Interesting.. I think they’re all named after US States. Really gives this game an authentic, realistic American flavour.

As you can see, each of these has a bunch of odds, some results and a… type?





Ok Goons - I have a job for you all.

I have no idea what how the fuck this thing works, but I am entrusting you with our remaining money to help me gamble so we can make a ton of cash and finally beat that piece of shit Testarossa.

What could possibly go wrong with this plan?

Please choose a horse car each based on its name or odds, and I’ll split whatever remainder money we have between those who were voted for, and post the race video of our inevitable win.

You can select from:
If someone understands what a quintilla, quinceanera, quinoa means, feel free to choose one of those too.