Ok, goons, if there’s one thing we need right now, it’s money, and if work is money, well we need that too.


: Umm, "Security guards wanted"


: He's your favorite security guard. Let's go now!



I think Hiro is referring to himself in the third person here. He’s saying that he’s been a friendly neighbourhood security guard in the past.

And he’s correct. He’s our favourite security guard.






Woah, who’s the beefcake?


: Umm, check out the part-time job magazine. I came but..





Oh! it’s Duke Nukem.


: Hmm? What?


: It's not a job for a weakling like you, so give up.


: Work hard. Go home!






: Wh-what?! I'm the strongest in Japan!


: This is the man they call a security guard!


: He even defeated that metal thief!



Woah, a callback to the first game! I was going to make this joke, but the game did it for me!


: What? That metal thief!


: That's amazing! Of course I'll hire him!



Oh good, Duke finally came to his senses. Those metal thieves were pretty badass. They were made of metal!


: What do you think I'm saying? I don't know if it's metal thief or whatever, but that kind of thing won't work around here.



Well… Hiro also kicked the asses of book thieves too, y’know. Japan is crawling with them.


: There are a lot of people here who carry pistols.If you look at it too lightly, you'll lose your life.



Oh.. right… Duke’s got a point. I have it on good authority from the childhood playground that every person in America is armed at all times, usually with some sort of automatic weapon.


: If that's okay, I'll let you work.


: Great!


: I'm scared of pistols.


: Being licked


: Can I do the 04?!


: I'm not backing down.



Hiro isn’t afraid of being licked by a few pistol wielding burger thieves. Not if it’s going to get in the way of our drag racing!


: So go to that building.I'll give you a part-time job pay for each room you patrol.If you look around all the rooms, I'll give you a bonus.



Hrm. So far this sounds like the Economy Centre from the first game...


: If you think it's dangerous, come back immediately.


: By the way, it's best not to go upstairs.The higher you go, the scarier people you'll meet. So be careful.



What the hell is this place anyway, is this the housing projects from the movie Dredd? I think that film had this exact same premise.

Ok let’s go…





Oh, interesting. This seems familiar… very familiar…

Like the last game, we find ourselves in a creepy hallway, which is navigated through in first person.

Unlike the first game though, it’s not a single hallway, but a whole block, with rooms on the inside and outside.

The doors appear to be made of thick reinforced steel, and I don’t seem to be able to open any…





I’ll continue down the corridor and…





Gah!





A mouse has appeared!

What should we do?


Oh look - it’s a rat! Just like the first game.

Quick, use the pistol!

…Wait we don’t have one…

Seriously though… I wonder if we can get a gun… This is America after all. Don’t they come in cereal boxes here?

It seems we’ve got several options available to us:

Let’s try Fight

HIRO attacks!

Critical hit!

23 Some and Yuan zero!

Shouwei is a reverse sale!

Experience Points 1 last time!

Well that was some… strange translations. But we defeated the rat!

Looks like they’ve expanded upon this same job from the first game. The rats in America are clearly more dangerous. Japanese rats just run away from us. These ones are clearly out for blood.

Let’s continue on and…

Gah! Another rat!





Ok, this time let’s see what we’ve got in the way of SPECIAL MOVES.





Hiro casts Super forehead flick!


: "Secret technique! Super forehead flick


: Give it a try!"



Dealt 10 Damage.

The mouse jumped on me.

Hiro dodged it well


Though he dodged it, it still took 50 hp from us…

Ok, let’s see what we’ve got under tools.





Hey - it’s the photo of our girlfriend! This must be what it’s used for. Maybe we’ll show it to the rat and he’ll get mad jealous and leave us alone.





: Kayo-chan’s photos make me 100 times more energetic!

: That state of the physical furnace 20!


Alright - it’s a healing device!

Also - I think I realised what’s happening with these crazy translations. If I focus the translator on the whole image it gets confused by the level and hp numbers directly above the description. If I focus it entirely on the description box, I get a translation that makes a whole lot more sense.


Your stamina has increased by 20!


That’s better... Though I think it means HP, not stamina.


The mouse jumped on me!

8 damage received

What to do?


Little rat bastard. We choose Fight!


Hiro attacks!

Dealt 12 damage

You killed the rat!

Your experience points have increased by 1!


Allright, seems like we’ve cleared out all the rats from this floor. Nicely done.

Let’s just make our way back to the elevator and…





The underling has appeared!


Gah! Another enemy type! This guy looks like trouble, what with his suit jacket, bald head and thongs (Sorry, I forgot we’re in the USA… flip flops…)

What to do?


Beat the shit out of him before he has a chance to respond! SUPER FOREHEAD FLICK!

: "Secret technique! Super forehead flick! Take it!"


Dealt 13 Damage!

A low-level slap attack

HIRO dodged it well

What to do?


This asshole dares to try and slap us? Attack!


HIRO attacks!

Critical hit!

Dealt 23 damage

I defeated the underling!

Your experience points have increased by 2!

Something's fallen…





I got Alunamin B!


Aluminum what?

I had to look this up - I think it’s referring to Alinamin - which sounds like it’s some sort of painkiller.

https://www.gltjp.com/en/article/item/11681/

: Let's drink it, gulp...


Whoah Hiro! I know you’re used to Japan, but don’t drink a bottle of random pills that fell out of some junkie you just beat up!

: It's okay!


Your stamina has increased by 40!

Jesus. Well. I guess it’s okay…

What is this place anyway, with its rats and metal doors… Is this an apartment complex?

What was that guys deal anyway? Why was he walking around in thongs without a shirt anyway?

Wait, does he live here? Did we just beat the shit out of some local resident, unprovoked?

Uh… I’m sure he was up to no good… right?

Anyway, let’s go to the elevator. This must be how we get to the upper floors that Duke mentioned. But we're using it to get out of this place.


: Oh, you’re still alive?


: There was a bad guy, so I blew him away!


: What? Really? That's awesome!


: I'll give you a bonus.


: Together with my part-time job wages, that's $260


: That’s about it!



Wait - we put our life on the line for $260? And that’s with a bonus?

… Gosh, we’d be better off walking dogs for a living…


Ah well. Looks like this place is pretty tame with its rats and shirtless residents. Let’s go back and try again… What’s the worst that can happen?